Fun fact, I’m a second year PhD student studying practical theology and ethics. In the past year I’ve interacted with perspectives that have challenged the ways I read the Bible, most often in ways that contradict my beliefs. In humility, I admit that there’s much that I don’t know and subsequently seek to learn.

Still, I remain steadfast in my conviction that the Bible is a story of God’s redeeming love, one in which I, and the rest of God’s creation, have the opportunity to locate ourselves in. It’s a narrative I read to not just know about God, but to know the heart of the author—my God. 

Because the more I know Him,
the more I stand in awe,
and fall in love.

The lies the enemy used against me was that God wasn’t good, He didn’t love me, and He wasn’t listening to me. In the moments of my adolescence when I cried out in pain for a hurt that no one could see, yet I felt deeply, I wondered why God allowed it happen?

Why was I subject to a mind that tormented my mind and broke my heart?
Why don’t He take that pain away even when I begged and pleaded?
Why did I feel so alone?
Why did nobody seem to care?

In a particular moment of anguish and anger, I ripped the Word of God. The Father had abandoned me and I was letting Him know that I knew. My mom eventually found those torn pages, tucked away in my bedside drawer, and responded with rage. She berated me: How dare I? 

She didn’t understand what I was going through. Truthfully I didn’t either. She’s since apologized for the ways she responded to my pain; I’ve forgiven her completely, knowing that she did the best she could. 

Yet, as I reflect on this moment I’m struck with the thought. If I found that my daughter had done the same thing, how would I respond? If I could go back and reconnect with my younger self, what would I do?

I would hold space for her hurt and her anger. 
I would allow her to feel what she needed to feel. 
I would encourage her to take her feelings to the Father because He is good.

Our circumstances aren’t always good, but He is.
There is a purpose for our pain even if we can’t see it in the moment. 
He’s strong enough to carry all of our burdens and love us all the same. 

To anyone who has felt abandoned by the Word, please hear my words: it’s a lie. 

God loves you.
He is good. 
He is faithful. 

Run to the Father in your time of need.
He’s waiting for you with open arms.
He’s ready to love you back to life.